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Freedom Feather
In Memory Of A
Special Friend
11/20/34 - 10/24/02
"Bashert"


 

 

 

 

Dedication
These pages are dedicated to

Mr. David Masters

without whom I would have never had the courage nor the strength to start them. He believed in me when even I didn't. He taught me many things, but most of all he taught me how to be strong and how to love through the pain. Thank you so much, Sir ..... for your guidance and support in this project.

 

 


The Nightmare Of Addiction . . . . 



The day I started this site was January 22, 2000.  The story that you just read, "It's A Long Walk Back to Forever" .... was written by me ..... in 1984. I had such high hopes for my daughter back then. I thought we had caught her addiction early. I thought that when she came out of the program, that she would be "fixed".

The ugly truth is, she wasn't "fixed" then ..... and now, so many years later, she still wasn't "fixed". Her addiction had grown to huge proportions over the years.

Addiction isn't prejudiced. It doesn't matter who you are .... it doesn't matter what color you are .... how much money you have .... if you're homeless ..... or if you have a family who loves you dearly ...... it can happen to anyone.

At first, I was so ashamed of her problem .... I tried for a long time to hide it from everybody. But you see .... having an addicted person in your family, is like having an elephant in your living room. It's so big ... it destroys everything in its path. It's so big .... no one can make it go away. So finally, everybody tries to ignore it. You step around it ..... you clean up after it ...... you fix the things it breaks. Problem is ... pretty soon .... it has destroyed so much of your life ... your family .... that you just can't ignore it anymore. And it's "broken" so much .... that you just can't continue to fix them.

Drug addiction not only destroys the user, it also destroys the family. Addiction robs you of your money, it robs you of your spirit, and finally, when you have nothing else left to give it .... it robs you of your soul.

And that's how I was feeling. I had picked up after that "elephant" for way too many years now, I've cleaned up after it, I've paid for all the things it's broken, I've watched it trample over people I love. I've felt the pain of watching someone I love die a little more everyday. At this point, I had nothing else left to give it. I was too tired to clean up after it anymore. I had no more money to pay for the things it's broken. I had no more heart to keep watching it destroy the people ... and the things I love.

I had reached the end. That was the reason for starting these pages. I had finally realized and accepted the fact that there was nothing more that I could do. What I had to do, at this point, was to concentrate on "fixing me." With God's help, I had to turn her loose. Give her over to Him.  I knew that He was the only one who could possibly  "fix" her.

As I said earlier, these pages are to be my "therapy" .... my way of dealing with this problem, my way (with God's help) of "fixing" me. I plan to add to them regularly with writings of some of the experiences we've been through .... and some of the ways we've dealt with the problem.

I hope you'll come back often .... I hope you'll email me ..... I hope that together we can wage a war against drugs and maybe win a few of the battles we're forced to fight. My hope is to spend a lot of time here, researching and learning. I hope to provide links to places that can help "us" in this war, and if nothing else .... make this a place of solace where you can come and know that you aren't alone in this nightmare world of drugs.

I refuse to give up until this battle is won.  I guess that would sound futile to some, since my daughter has died.  She was alive when I first started this site, and when she first saw it, I was sure she'd be so angry, but surprisingly, she wasn't.  She seemed so proud of my effort and she sent the link to many, many people.  She wanted to get off the drugs so badly.  She really wanted so much to be free from her addiction, she just couldn't do it.  But she was adamant that I keep the site going ..... she knew that many of her friends had found help here and she wanted .... even in her death .... for her story to help someone find their way back.  Maybe you .... maybe your child .....

 

 


 

Guardian Angel Picture

 

 


"Guardian Angel - Prodigal Daughter"
Luke 15:  11-32


This image shows the justice and mercy of God as the Spirit of God in the form of an angel guards the prodigal daughter who has run off to the city. The angel occupies the same space as the girl but she is unaware. In a final moment of desperation she lets out a cry. The sword in the hands of the angel represents the word of God ready to defend her. So the angel protects her from her suitors. With one leg in the gutter the trail of her life can be seen. Above her head is a stain glass window that shows the welcoming arms of Jesus taking children on to his lap. This is her longing, "Could someone really love her?"   

- Rik Berry -


 


 

 

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The Cold Embrace

Did you ever really notice when I hid my face,
When I ran to the city for the cold embrace.
You know I wasn't gonna stay for more than two weeks.
I just wanted freedom, to have some space.
I scream inside, you saw me leave
You saw me hide, I had no choice.
Mamma can you hear my voice -
Mamma tell me, can you hear my voice?
I think you feel, my burning tears
My forgotten life, come and find me now!
Daddy can you hear my prayer -
Daddy tell me, can you hear my prayer?
Did you see my smile on an empty face?
The trick is pretty easy when your past disgrace.
I'm waiting for the future life to pick me up or send me down.
I look into his eyes and scream, "Turn the page!"
Now I'm seventeen and I've lost the race.
Something's changed and I can't keep up the pace.
God if you can hear me send an angel to my side.
Do your arms still reach, is your lap a safe place?
Now I'm going down for the last time.
O God it wasn't really what I had in mind.

- Rik Berry -

 



 


I came across Mr. Berry's site just the other night quite by accident ... or was it? When I first saw this picture, I was so startled that I just sat here and stared at the screen in awe. When my friends and family see this page .... they'll know exactly why. It looks as though Mr. Berry used our daughter as his model. And it's funny too, that's how my husband used to refer to Kathy. He'd come home from work in the evening and he'd usually say, "well .. have you heard from our prodigal daughter today?"

I'd like to say a special "thank you" to Rik Berry for allowing me to use his artwork and his words. I really appreciate it. When you're finished here, be sure to visit his site. He has some really beautiful work!

 

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