My Experience With Grief . . . .
Until you've experienced true grief,
you have absolutely no idea what it really is. My entire life, I had
heard the word ... grief. I never thought a lot about it even after
I was grown. My parents were healthy, my children were healthy ....
as were my husband and I. And then ..... in 1995 .... my whole
I was working late one Thursday
night at my office and got a call that my Mom had collapsed and that
I should meet them at the hospital. She was being taken there by
ambulance. I didn't really get that worried at first. My Mom was
only 62 years old, in good health, and I had just talked to her on
the telephone that day and she was fine. In fact, she told me
during our conversation that she had had a headache for a couple of
days, but that she was feeling better today than she had in a long
I drove to the hospital as quickly as I could and found my entire
family there. They led us to a small room and a doctor came in to
talk to us. He explained that the situation was indeed bad. My Mom
.... my healthy Mom .... had had an aneurysm. A blood vessel in her
brain had burst and she had bled, a lot, into her brain. He
explained to us that he could operate on it and stop the bleeding
but that it was so extensive .... she would probably die on the
operating table .... or ... if the operation
was successful, she would probably be a vegetable for the rest of
her life. Then he left us to make this decision as to what to do ...
operate ... or do nothing.
There was really no decision to
make. My Mom had said all her life that she never wanted anyone to
have to take care of her. We all knew that she would rather be dead
than be a vegetable in a nursing home for the rest of her life. So
.... the vigil began. We sat by her bed all night. She never
regained consciousness .... and she died at 5:30 the next morning
.... very peacefully she slipped from this world ... into the next.
The next few days are even now ....
just a blur to me. Funeral arrangements ..... family viewing .....
greeting visitors ..... going through all the motions of laying a
loved one to rest. And then .... after the funeral ..... everyone is
gone .... and you're left alone ..... with grief.